Artorius Castus


Posted in Uncategorized by Patrick Truax on April 6, 2008

The Florida branch of the family is anxiously awaiting the visit of the Missouri branch later this month. Preparations are being made; games are hooked up; fishing equipment is being cleaned and oiled; menus are being planned.

We’re going to have one day set aside for a BBQ at the community pool. We had considered going the traditional way, grilling brats, hot dogs, hamburgers, etc, to go along with pop and beer. But one evening while surfing the net, I discovered a website. Upon exploration of this site, I found that two expatriate Camerounians, Jacques and Yves (their French, not tribal names) own a ranch near the edge of the Everglades. I further learned that their specialty is a giraffe roast. Their ranch, by the way, is called “The Giranch.” They maintain small herds of giraffes which are harvested for roasts at special occasions.

I spoke with Yves, who hails from Waza. I’d been to Waza several years ago. Out in the bush, we came upon a French-run hotel where they sold Ba-Mui-Ba beer. Vietnam vets will remember the “flying 33” logo of that native beer. It turns out that the French taught their Vietnamese subjects all they knew about making beer one Tuesday afternoon in August 1898. But I digress. Yves told me that he could accommodate our order for a giraffe roast in honor of the visitors.

He told me that only the torso used. The giraffe’s long necks and limbs are taken out into the ‘Glades and fed to the gators. The “horns” of the giraffe are rendered into liquid which is sold to shoelace manufacturers. When the liquid solidifies, it is used to make those little plastic tips at the ends of the shoelaces.

There already is a barbeque pit at the community pool, so Yves won’t need to bring his backhoe to dig one. According to the on-line brochure, a bed of coals lines the bottom of the pit. A box spring mattress is lowered on to the coals. The torso is then lowered on to the springs, allowing the heat to circulate. Yves will then cover the pit with a specially-made louvered lid. Within an hour, the entire development is engulfed with the tantalizing aroma of roasting giraffe.

After about six hours, the giraffe is ready to be served. Much as they do with roast pigs in the Philippines, Panama and Cuba, the roast is raised and displayed on one of the picnic tables. Yves or one of his assistants carves the succulent meat and puts the slices on the plates of the drooling partiers. A typical roast will yield about 250 pounds of meat. What isn’t consumed at the BBQ can be frozen for later use.

Yves typically charges about $1 per pound, so we’ll be paying about $250. Yves told me that for every new order he gets from our development, he’ll give me a rebate of $5.

We’ll be taking video of the fete and post it Youtube for all your viewing pleasure.


2 Responses

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  1. Celular said, on April 6, 2008 at 8:48 pm

    Hello. This post is likeable, and your blog is very interesting, congratulations :-). I will add in my blogroll =). If possible gives a last there on my blog, it is about the Celular, I hope you enjoy. The address is A hug.

  2. Patrick Truax said, on April 7, 2008 at 4:41 am

    Yes, we will certainly check it out!

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